


Oxytocin and other drugs

by Ehann



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Monsters, Covid pandemic, Crying Castiel (Supernatural), Crying Dean Winchester, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Lots of hugging and snuggling, M/M, Men Crying, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Nanny Dean Winchester, Nurse Castiel (Supernatural), casturbation, realistic description of hospitalized patients and deaths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:54:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27788554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ehann/pseuds/Ehann
Summary: Dean gets laid off in the early months of the pandemic. Thank God his baby brother Sam needs someone to watch his 9 month old baby, Jack, and has the means to pay for it.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 7
Kudos: 109





	Oxytocin and other drugs

Oxytocin and other drugs

Tropes: Neighbors, quarantine, hospital, cuddling

Dean Winchester moved back to Lawrence Kansas right before the pandemic really got going. Nobody he knows, knows anyone who’s had covid yet, but the reports out of Italy and New York City were pretty terrifying. Luckily for him, his brother Sam and his wife Jess, have nice cushy jobs and can afford to hire Dean as their in home nanny for their 9 month old son Jack.

While Dean had been pretty happy working at his Uncle Bobby’s auto shop in South Dakota, business dried up pretty quick once case numbers started rising and he’d been unceremoniously laid off. Bobby had been plenty regretful about it, but he really hadn't had any choice, not with mandatory stay at home orders.

On the flip side, both Sam and Jess were physicians at the local hospital so they were working more than ever.

After a few weeks of coming to terms with the shattered economy and freaked out people, Dean bit the bullet, called Sammy, and told him what was going on. Like many folks in their thirties, Dean lived paycheck to paycheck. He had just a few hundred bucks in the bank, and had been scraping by on ramen, pasta and cheese for a week. It helped that Sam and Jess acted like Dean was the one doing THEM a favor instead of the other way around. Still, Dean was more than happy to help take care of Jack while the kids' parents tried to save people’s lives. He’d already practically raised Sam, so he wasn’t too worried about taking care of Jack.

Driving his Chevy Impala through the tree lined streets of Lawrence, the growl of the engine sounded absurdly loud in the quiet neighborhood. He craned his neck back and forth, but in spite of the gorgeous Spring day, he didn’t see a single soul outdoors. Weird, Dean thought. He coasted to a stop in front of his brother’s house. 

Sam and Jess lived in a 3 bedroom craftsman house which had all the bells and whistles. It was dove gray with bright white trim.Two car garage, stone columns in the front porch with deep overhanging eaves and visible rafters. The front lawn was mowed with surgical precision and flowers lined the walkway from the street to the porch.

Dean put the car in park. Glancing toward the house, he couldn't help notice the house next door. It was also a Craftsman but--. Dean smirked. Apparently the neighbor didn’t have the same deep seeded desire to have all the blades of grass the same height. It needed a good mow, in fact, and the crepe myrtle trees in the front yard were practically begging for a pruning. 

He grabbed his duffel from the passenger seat and headed up to the house.

Over the next several months, Dean adjusted well. He and Sam had always been close, Jess was awesome, and Jack was an adorable freaking monster. Dean learned more than he wanted to know about the working of the hospital where Sam and Jess worked. Dean had known that Sam was an ICU doctor but really never understood what that actually meant until now. Over dinners he gradually learned about stuff like breathing tubes, ventilators and antivirals. Jess was an epidemiologist who spent long hours at the hospital combing through records and trying to piece together where and how people were getting sick. Dean started leaving a stack of clean towels in the laundry room, so Sam and Jess could remove their contaminated clothes in the garage and drop them in the washer on the way into the house.

Dean watched Jack grow from a chubby and happy 9 month old to a taller, leaner but equally happy 15 month old who toddled around and chattered constantly. He took the baby out for walks, keeping well away from people. He cooked elaborate meals for his family, and helped with the upkeep of the house. As the seemingly endless summer crept on, Dean took over more and more of the yard work duties as Sam had less and less time to deal with mowing, edging, sweeping and watering.

Jack still took a pretty good morning and sometimes afternoon nap so Dean kept the baby monitor receiver with him as he did the yardwork, checking in on him every 15 minutes or so while he slept.

One August morning Dean had finished with the mowing and sat on the porch, wiping his face with a bandana and chugging ice water as sweat dripped down his back. He leaned back in the white wicker rocking chair and sat his glass on the rail. He heard a car coming down the street and blinked as the enormous Lincoln Continental pulled into the driveway next door. Dean leaned forward. He had never seen the mysterious neighbor at all, even after all these months, and he was curious.

Idly he watched a dark haired dude climb out of the car and trudge to his front porch. Dean nearly knocked his glass off the rail when the guy dropped his shit on the porch. What the hell? Dean leaned forward. Nope, he was not actually hallucinating, there was a hot guy getting naked on the front porch next door. Dean carefully shifted his rocker so he had a better view.

Dark Hair peeled off his shirt. He swayed a little, and held on to his railing as he proceeded to wiggle out of his pants. Now just standing in his boxers, Dark Hair stuffed his clothes into a plastic bag, and went into the house.

Oh. Dude clearly worked at the hospital. Dean wondered exactly how much the guy worked since he’d been here for four months and never seen hide nor hair of him. Come to think of it, Dean realized, he never saw anyone else over there either. The pimpmobile was the only car in the driveway. Single guy maybe? Dean shook his head, feeling bad for the neighbor. Difficult enough to try and get by in the middle of a pandemic, but doing it by yourself? Ugh. Dean shook his head. Awful.

Time continued passing and Jack kept growing. Summer faded into Fall and the weather cooled off significantly. In that time, he’d only caught a few more glances of Dark Hair, all coming home from work around 9 in the morning. At least, Dean thought, the yard next door looked better. After he’d realized the dude worked nights, Dean had started doing the mowing and stuff in the evenings. One night after dinner, he’d been sitting on the front porch with Jack in his lap reading a book when he saw Dark Hair leave his house looking like he just rolled out of bed. Wrinkled scrubs, hair a mess and a large coffee in hand.

Dean jiggled Jack on his knee, thinking. They finished the book, and Dean handed the baby to Jess, now clean from her shift, who took him gratefully. He went back out to the garage, getting ready to mow the lawn. Row after row, he couldn’t help but glance over at Dark Hair’s yard. He had an idea.

Xxxxxxxxx

Castiel Novak had been living his life on autopilot since March. As an ICU nurse he was supposed to work just three nights a week. The pandemic started off slow in Kansas but now raged through the sleepy communities. He and all the other nurses he knew were constantly harassed about picking up overtime shifts, and the pressure just got worse after several physicians and nurses died from coronavirus. Cas himself had done chest compressions on Dr Adler before he died. Adler was a real dick, Cas thought privately, but he never would have wished this kind of death on him. Not on anyone.

Most weeks he worked four 12-hour shifts a week, but some weeks he did five or even six shifts. He came home from work and collapsed into bed after a dinner of cereal and a hot shower. As the case numbers increased, he started taking off his scrubs at the front door. He spent the rare days off curled up on the couch watching netflix, hiding from the world. He lived by himself. All of his friends were nurses, also working just as hard as did. Meg, Balthazar and Hannah used to meet up with him every couple weeks and have dinner, or go to a local bar and play trivia. Castiel was desperately lonely and couldn’t do a thing about it. He sometimes imagined what it would be like to come home to someone else. He sometimes heard the kid next door shriek-laughing, followed by a man’s deep hearty laugh. He tried not to be envious, he really did, but some nights it was just so hard. 

He had met the couple next door almost a year ago and then just seen them here and there, sometimes at the grocery store. The woman had been obviously pregnant at the time. There was a new guy over there now, Castiel knew, having seen him on their porch several times. He had also seen the guy mowing the lawn at least once a week, and once Castiel had deciphered the pattern he had accidentally on purpose adjusted his schedule so he was more likely to be home when Hot Neighbor pulled off his shirt. It was a lot easier once he realized that Hot Neighbor had decided to start mowing after dinner instead of first thing in the morning.

Cas didn’t feel guilty in the slightest about window stalking the hot guy. He did feel kind of guilty about letting his lawn get so overgrown, though. He certainly had enough money to hire a lawn service now. The flip side to working so much overtime is that you didn’t have enough time or energy to spend money. Still, it was hard to care about grass when so many people were dying.

One ridiculously bright morning in late August, Castiel pulled into his driveway with the sense of something out of place. On autopilot, he grabbed his work bag and got out of the car. The smell of freshly mowed grass lingered in the air. Half asleep, he walked up to the porch and methodically began removing his clothes. He toed his shoes off and stuffed them in the plastic grocery bag he kept on the porch. He pulled his scrub top off over his head knocking his sunglasses from their perch on his nose. He picked them up, idly noting the blades of grass scattered across the porch. He stopped and looked out into his yard, confused. Something was definitely different, he just didn't know what and was too exhausted to figure it out.

August faded into September and September marched into October. Castiel stopped picking up so much overtime and in fact arranged his schedule so he had six days off in a row without using any paid time off. During that almost-week, he allowed himself to flop back to a daytime schedule; sleeping at night like a normal person. 

Wednesday of that week he cooked some cheeseburgers on the stove. He pulled his french fries out of the toaster oven when he heard the sound of a lawn mower start up. Castiel paused, cocking his head to the side. If he didn’t know better he’d say that noise was coming from his front yard. Wait. Wait. He took the burgers off the heat and went to the front windows.

Hot Neighbor was mowing his lawn! “Holy shit,” Cas whispered. Now he remembered coming home that night a couple months ago and wondering what was different. Hot Neighbor had apparently been mowing his yard for months, and Castiel had not noticed at all. 

XXXXX

It’s Wednesday so Dean starts mowing Dark Hair’s lawn. He’s been doing it every week since the end of August. Since he started paying attention, he’d discovered that the guy works a lot of nights, some different days of the week but always Wednesday, Friday and Saturday nights. Dean wondered sometimes how many hours a week Dark Hair works because it seems like he is never home. Since the days were getting so short, Dean had to mow during the day now, but he still tried to keep it to later in the day, mindful that Dark Hair was likely trying to sleep in the morning.

He mowed carefully around the overgrown Crepe Myrtle trees, ignoring the impulse to prune away all the dead and crossing branches. He pushed the mower this way and that, making a crosshatch of lines in the lawn. The weather was cool but his shirt was dripping with sweat and he stopped to pull it off, flinging it carelessly across one shoulder,wiping his face with it. After 30 minutes he’s done and he released the handle, letting it shut off.

“Hey.” 

Dean jumped at the voice in the sudden silence, whipping around to find Dark Hair looking pleasantly rumpled in old jeans and t-shirt, holding a glass of ice water out. Nearly as tall as Dean, his bright blue eyes squinted at him, and the corner of his full lips turned up in amusement.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you, I just wanted a chance to thank you in person.” Dark Hair nodded at the glass in his hand.

“Shit, man, I hope you don’t mind,” Dean said, taking the glass. “Thanks.” He tipped his head back, chugging the cold water eagerly. “I’m Dean,” he said, extending a hand. 

“Castiel,” Dark Hair replied, gripping his hand firmly before releasing it. “Most people call me Cas, though.” 

“Are you on vacation or something? I thought you worked nights,” Dean asked, realizing too late this made him sound like a stalker. He shifted his weight. Castiel was uncomfortably good looking and while Dean was an equal opportunity kind of guy, he had never really figured out how to flirt with men. He also had the worst gaydar in the world and could never tell if a dude was being no-homo friendly or friendly.

But Castiel just laughed. “No, we’re not allowed to take vacation for the time being. I just stopped working overtime for this week.” 

Dean raised his eyebrows. “They won’t allow you a vacation? Buddy, what do you do?”

Snorting, Castiel answered, “I’m an ICU nurse and you may not know this but we’re kind of in high demand right now.”

“Ah, okay,” Dean said, nodding, “That makes more sense. You must be killing yourself on the regular then.”

Castiel pressed his lips together and looked entirely too sad. “Something like that,” he said finally. He looked hesitant for a moment then asked, “If you want, I just made dinner, you want to join me?”

Dean shoved his hands into his pockets looking down for a second. “Listen, man, I really would but--”

“No, it’s fine, you’re busy--”

“--The quarantine thing, you know, not supposed to hang out with people not in your bubble.”

“I hate this fucking pandemic.” Castiel said harshly, then rubbed his eyes. “Sorry-I. Sorry. You’re right, I just, I had one second and I forgot, can you believe that?” He looked like he was fighting back tears. “I don’t really have a bubble, is the thing. I go to work and then I come home to an empty house. I was thinking about getting a dog before all this started, but now I work so much that it wouldn’t be fair.” He shook his head, looking up at the sky. “I literally can’t remember the last time someone even hugged me.”

Dean took a step forward before he thought about what he was doing. “Come’ere, dude,” he said, and wrapped himself around the other man. 

XXXXX

Castiel stood stock still for a moment, shocked. He felt himself squeezed hard and heard a rough voice in his ear.

“This is where you’re supposed to hug back. Come on man, bring it in.”

Castiel slowly brought his arms up and tightened them around Dean’s back. His skin was warm under his fingers. He closed his eyes. From far away he heard himself take a huge breath and let it out. His throat felt tight and wetness seeped from his eyes. It felt so fucking good to be held, finally, after being along for so long. He tried, he really tried, to hold back the sobs bubbling up from his soul, but he just couldn’t.  
He just couldn’t.

Strong body pressed against him, and the voice in his ear. “It’s okay, Cas, it’s okay. I got you.”

Castiel wept.

He wept for himself and how utterly exhausted he was, all the time and every day. He wept for the families saying good-bye over facetime, begging to be allowed to come and hold their relatives hands as they died. He wept for the patients struggling to breathe, and the ones who said their last words right before they got intubated. He wept for his friends who had covid months ago and couldn’t come back to work because they were still so weak. He wept for all the people that died alone, and the ones that died under his hands. He wept for all the people who sat down to dinner and looked over at the empty chair. He wept so long he was beginning to wonder if he could ever stop.

Eventually though, he did. Oh my god, he thought as he realized his face was covered in snot. He pushed back, wiping his face. “Don’t, don’t look at me,” he said frantically. “I’m so disgusting.”

He felt a touch at his chin and looked up into Dean’s startling green eyes. Eyes that were red rimmed and glassy, tear tracks clear on his face. “No, you’re not,” Dean said. “You’re just human.” He smiled wanly. “That offer for dinner still open?” He winked. “I feel like I’m in your bubble now.”

Castiel laughed wetly. “Yeah, okay, come on in.”

Once inside, Cas said “Make yourself at home, ignore the mess, that’s what I do.” He gestured at the couch. Two other black leather chairs sat in either corner. A fuzzy blue blanket lay draped over one chair and the other had a red throw pillow. The room was painted a soft blue-gray, and oak hardwood floors gleamed underfoot. One wall had colorful paintings of autumn trees, and a large black and white print of a tall ship dominated the wall above the couch.

“Oh, would you like to borrow a shirt? I can throw that in the wash for you, if you like?”

Dean gleaned at the crumpled fabric in his hand. “Yeah that would be great if it’s not too much trouble.” 

Castiel padded down the hallway and came back with a soft looking white undershirt. “Trade you,” he said, dangling the clean shirt.

Dean stood up and handed his soiled shirt over. He quickly pulled the clean shirt on, feeling much better. He chuckled, sitting down on the black leather sofa. “I’m just gonna shoot my brother a text so they don’t wonder where I am. Oh, and if you call this a mess I’m a little scared to see what you call clean.”

“To be honest,” Castiel called from the kitchen, “I don’t spend a lot of time down here. Mostly I come home from work, eat and go back to bed so I can do it again the next day.” He quickly reheated the burgers in the pan and laid some cheese over them. He pulled out another pan. He dropped a little butter in it while it heated, then he laid the buns face down. He put the fries back in the toaster oven for another minute to warm them up. “Hey, you want a beer?”

“Definitely.” Dean said. He wandered into the kitchen, lingering in the doorway. “Sounds like you've been working your ass off for a while.”

Castiel pulled a face. “I love my job, just...not currently.” He stared intently down at the pan, where the cheese was happily melting. “It will get better, I know it will, just…”

Dean nodded grimly. “Vote blue, no matter who.”

“Exactly.” Cas pulled two bottles from the fridge handing one off to Dean and twisting one open for himself. “I think we’re ready.” He flipped the burgers onto the toasted buns and set them aside on plates, then grabbed the fries and doled them out. “If you bring the plates, I’ll grab the rest.”

They sat across from each other at the dining room table. For a few minutes they ate in silence. Then Castiel asked, “ How did you end living with your brother? He and his wife are doctors, correct? I feel like I see them around the hospital sometimes.”

Dean lit up as he told Castiel about his family. “Yeah, Sam’s a critical care doc, and Jess is an epidemiologist. My nephew Jack is 15 months now. Man, I can’t get over how fast that kid grows.”

Castiel took the last bite of his burger then said, “And you? What do you do, Dean?”

The other man seemed to deflate, and Castiel sat up straighter, concerned. 

Dean wiped his mouth with his napkin. “I got laid off in March when everything went to shit. I was working as a mechanic at my Uncle’s auto shop, but business just--” he made a waving motion with his hand in the air. “Dried up overnight. I tried to make it there, but nobody was hiring and my savings ran out.” He inclined his head a moment. “They were working Sam and Jess more and more, and they couldn’t find anyone to watch the kiddo, so here I am, super nanny. Thirty five years old and nothing to show for it.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Castiel said firmly, making Dean meet his eyes. “You are part of a wonderful family. You take care of people who need it.” Castiel pulled away from the eye contact and said to the table. “Dean, I didn’t even realize how alone I was until… well.” He pressed his lips together briefly. “You have made...an immense difference...to me.” Slowly, he reached across the table and covered Dean’s hand with his own. He looked up into green eyes. 

Dean swallowed. Just as carefully, he adjusted his grip so their fingers were interlocked. “Do you, um, do this with all of your neighbors?” He nodded at their hands.

Castiel tilted his head. “Only the ones I really like.” He tried to fight it, but the grin broke out on his face anyway.

Just like that, Dean relaxed and seemed a world lighter. “Hey, let me get your number?” He took his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it, pushing it over to Cas. 

“Of course,” he said, entering the numbers. He looked up through his lashes at Dean, then sent himself a text so he’d have Dean’s number also.

Together they cleaned up from dinner. Washing and drying companionably. Regrettably, the evening flew by as they talked and before Cas knew it, it was eight pm and Dean was getting ready to leave. 

“It was so good to meet you, Dean.” Castiel smiled. “I feel like I’ve known you forever.”

“Me too, buddy.” Dean said. He rocked back and forth on his heels like he was hesitating, then opened his arms and hugged Castiel again. 

Castiel instantly relaxed and sighed into Dean’s shoulder. He slid his arms under Dean’s and spread his palms on Dean’s warm back. Without thinking, he turned his face into Dean’s neck, pressing his lips against the skin there. “God, you feel good,” Castiel said.

Dean just held him tighter, tilting his head down against Cas. “If I don’t leave now, I might not ever,” he said softly.

“You’re not making a good case for me letting you go,” Castiel said into Dean’s neck. Dean didn’t move.

“You know what?” Dean said softly, “Aside from Jack, I couldn’t think of the last time I had a hug either. I didn’t even know you, but the thought of you taking care of sick people but nobody being there for you...that’s just wrong. I didn’t expect us to hit it off like this, not gonna lie, but damned if I’m not thrilled we did.”

Castiel drew back just enough so he could see Dean’s face. Locked into staring again, he traced Dean’s lower lip with a gentle thumb, his fingers cradling the other man’s cheek. He forced himself to take a step back. “You have to go now if you’re going home, Dean. In another minute I will lose what little sense I have left, and just drag you to my bed.”

He watched as Dean’s pupils blew wide open and his lovely mouth parted and he dropped his gaze to Castiel’s mouth. Cas lifted his chin, leaning forward--The shrill sound of Dean’s ringtone startled both men into taking several steps backwards. 

Dean rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone, glaring at it and silencing it. “Always a cockblock, Sammy,” he muttered. To Cas, he said, “I’m sorry, I have to go. Jack’s having a meltdown, and Sam and Jess have an emergency Zoom meeting for work. 

Castiel let out a long breath. “I understand.”

“Hey,” Dean said. “I’m only next door, and you have my number. This?” He gestured back and forth. “This isn’t over, this is just beginning.”

Smiling, Castiel said, “Goodnight Dean, and thank you. For my lawn and more importantly, for being you.” 

Dean winked. “You got it.” Quick as a flash, he stepped forward and pressed his lips to Castiel’s cheek. “Night sweetheart,” he said, then sauntered out the door.

Castiel locked up the front door, and went into his bedroom, flipping on the light. He closed his blinds then rolled onto the bed with a small huff. He settled back into his soft pillows, thinking about the events of the day. He took a few moments to just breathe, with one hand on his belly and the other arm stretched across the bed.

He thought about Dean pulling his short off as he worked on Castiel’s yard. He thought about the attractive flex of muscles as he pushed and pulled the lawnmower back and forth. 

Castiel’s hand started moving on his stomach, nice and slow, back and forth.

He thought about the feel of Dean’s warm skin under his hands, having another person pressed flush against him for the first time in forever. He imagined what could have happened if he’d slid his thigh between Dean’s legs. He could have pressed his cock into Dean’s leg, letting him feel how hard Cas was for him.

He slid his hand lower, just teasing himself, lightly touching his swelling cock through his jeans. He drew one leg up, and teased himself lower still, dragging a nail over the denim trapping his balls. He wanted more. 

He unzipped his jeans and kicked them off onto the floor. He gripped his cock through his boxers, running this thumb over the head. “Mmmm,” the low moan escaped and he squeezed tighter. He opened his eyes and reached for the lube under the pillow next to him. He pushed his underwear down to his thighs, and watched his cock bobbing on his stomach. He dribbled some lube directly on the head of his cock and some down the shaft. He closed the cap and tossed the bottle to his side. 

Eyes closed, he drew one finger up and down his shaft, then stroking carefully around the head of his penis. Slowly, he rubbed back and forth over the sensitive head, sliding over his slit and then under the head. He brought his left hand down and squeezed his testicles, feeling the pleasant ache start.

He heard his breath in the stillness of his room, and felt his chest rising and falling faster, the more excited he became. He arched his hips up and his cock slid through the tightening circle of his hand, thumbing over the head...God, yes, this is how he liked it. He held his hand still, just his hips moving, over and over as he chased his orgasm. It was building slowly, this pressure between his legs. His cock was rock hard and slick as silk. He moved his hand faster and faster until his whole body tightened and he spilled all over his stomach and chest.

One arm thrown over his face, other hand still moving slow on his cock, milking every last drop from the aftershocks. The last thought before he fell asleep was: Dean.

XXXXX  
After Dean had put the mower away in the garage, he passed through the laundry room into the main house. 

“You’re back, awesome, how was dinner?” Sam asked him, handing over the cranky looking baby. Jack was sucking his thumb, glaring at his father with a distinct pout on his face.

“Hey big guy,” Dean smiled at his nephew. “You okay?”

Jack said around his thumb “ ‘ere Dee?”

Dean snuggled him close. “I was just next door talking to the man that lives there. His name is Cas.”

Sam snorted. “Talking, really, for what three hours?”

“Uh, yeah, Sammy,” he ignored his brother’s glare. “He caught me finishing up his yard and wanted to thank me with some awesome burgers.” Dean waggled his eyebrows and Jack giggled. 

“Isn’t that the first time you guys have met?” Sam asked.

“Uh-huh,” Dean replied. He made his hand into a pincer and tickled Jack’s soft belly. The baby chortled and squirmed in his grip. “Easy there buddy, don’t go flinging yourself into the abyss now.”

“Dee!” He grabbed Dean’s index finger and brought it up to his mouth.

“That’s righ--oop, no, don’t eat me Jack-Jack! I’m not tasty! No, I am NOT.” 

Sam cleared his throat. “So I’m just wondering--”  
Here it comes, Dean thought.

“How and why do two strangers end up plastered together in the front yard in the middle of a pandemic?”

“Listen, it’s not like that.”

Sam made a bitchface and opened his mouth.

Dean tilted his head up. “Okay, well it’s a little like that.”

“Really.” Sam crossed his arms.

Walking in a circle, Dean adjusted Jack so he was belly down on his arm, pretending to fly around the room. “Dude, no. The guy is an ICU nurse, he’s working himself to death, he’s not allowed to take a vacation, and he told me he couldn’t remember the last time anyone hugged him. He wasn’t expecting anything, I just couldn’t stand there while I have two perfectly good arms, and yes for the record, functioning eyes, it’s not like it was a hardship, but he just…” Dean stopped and looked up at his brother. “He’s all alone over there, man. You have Jess, and Jack and me, but, he can’t see his friends and I don’t think he has much family. Can you imagine not touching anyone for six months?” He stopped flying the baby and just rocked him back and forth, gently.

Sam closed his eyes for just a moment. “I hate this fucking pandemic.”

Dean smiled. “Yeah. I hear that a lot.” He looked down at Jack-Jack, now snoozing peacefully. “Gonna put the baby down, get to your meeting, bitch.”

“Jerk,” Sam said softly over his shoulder.

XXXXX

They kept in touch via text during the next several weeks. Castiel went back to work, but tried not to kill himself with overtime. He liked to say good morning to Dean when he woke up at 5pm. Often when he woke up he had several pictures waiting from Dean. Slowly he got to know not only Dean but his family as well.

Sometimes in the morning after Castiel got home, Dean would facetime with Jack on his lap, cheerfully bouncing the baby so much that Jack laughed until he hiccuped. Other mornings, he found Dean and Jack sitting on the front porch all bundled up reading books. Castiel did his quick strip routine at his front door, shower and then visited for a few minutes, before he got too tired.

The best times, though, were when Dean came over after dinner on Castiel’s nights off. They’d sit on the couch watching netflix, just talking for hours. On those nights, though they started off a reasonable distance apart, they always finished practically sitting in each other’s laps. Last time that happened Castiel had fallen asleep with gentle fingers carding through his hair and a warm hand on his shoulder.

Saying goodnight was the hardest thing. They’re careful, they both are, but neither one was willing to risk the other for a kiss, no matter how much they both wanted it. Castiel whispered promises into Dean’s skin at the end of the night; a future written in sighs and wishes. October bows out and November ushers in, and with it, the drama of the 2020 election.

Castiel has already voted by absentee ballot, so Dean rolled his eyes dramatically and stood in line for 90 minutes until he votes.

November 5 dawned with no clear winner of the race, though both men are quite hopeful. Castiel picks up a shift that night. Halfway through, the ICU received a patient crashing from the acute care ward with a massive heart attack. Earlier the patient had come into the ED complaining of chest pain. He seemed to get better with nitro tablets and a heparin drip, and was sent to the ICU with plans for a cardiac cath in the morning.

He coded abruptly while Castiel cracked jokes and filled out computerized forms. Everything went to shit after that, and even after intubation and several vasopressors, the man remained unresponsive. Castiel packed up the patient and with one other staff member, they wheeled him down to radiology for a CT scan.

They used the backboard to slide him from the bed to the scanner table. The ventilator tubing came undone and the patient coughed wildly, for what felt like forever before they managed to get it reconnected. The rest of the road trip went smoothly. Castiel kept the patient alive until the end of his shift. Just as he was about to clock out, Joe the charge nurse grabbed him in the locker room. “Hey Cas, I need you a second.”

Castiel shut his locker door and spun the lock. “Yeah, what’s up?” He shrugged into his coat.

He couldn’t see the expression under Joes’s face mask. He had the feeling that it was carefully blank.

“Cas...he came up positive.” 

Castiel’s world ground to a halt. “What?” he said dumbly, “are you fucking kidding me?”

Joe’s eyes look regretful. “They rapid tested him downstairs, the results just came back.”

His legs gave out and he sat down on the bench. Numb. Everything was numb. His voice sounded far away. “The...tubing came off the vent. I had to lean over to reconnect it.” His eyes burned. He looked up at Joe. “I was wearing my goggles, but all I had on was a surgical mask,” Castiel said, his voice breaking. “I wasn’t wearing the N 95.”

Joe laid a hand on his shoulder. “Go home and get some rest, Cas. You’re on quarantine for 14 days.”

XXXXX

Dean didn't think much about it when he didn’t hear from Cas the next day. Some days he got home late and just crashed. However when dinner time came and went and a glance out the window showed the pimpmobile still in the driveway, Dean was kind of concerned. 

After the dishes were done and Sam and Jess putting Jack to bed, Dean slipped into his leather jacket and walked next door. The living room light was on and Dean sawCas sitting there on the couch. He tapped on the window, and called “Hey man, you okay? You want some company?”

He watched Cas rub his face, then pick up his phone and dial.

Dean’s phone buzzed. He opened the app and said, “Hey sweetheart-”

“Dean.” His voice shook.

“What’s wrong? You wanna open the door, it’s a little nippy out here.”

“Dean,” Castiel said again, and this time it’s clear he was crying.

“Are you okay? Cas! Talk to me!” Fear lit up Dean’s insides, and the pounding of his heart suddenly seemed loud. 

Through the window, he watched Cas get up off the sofa and walk over to the door. He put a hand up on the glass and instinctively, Dean reached out and laid his hand up there too. He can see the tear tracks on Castiel’s face, wavy and distorted through the glass. He listened to Castiel try to catch his breath, but it doesn’t seem like he can stop crying long enough to tell Dean what’s wrong. His hands gripped his phone so tight that Dean saw the white of his knuckles through the window.

“Cas, I swear to God, talk to me, or I will break down this door.” 

“No,” Cas yells at him, and then breaks down completely. “You can’t come near me, I can’t be around anyone.” His face crumpled and he gets closer, nearly pressing his face against the glass. “A patient-I got exposed last night. Dean, it...it was a bad exposure. He, the vent tubing--”

No. Please God, no.

“Sweetheart, it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay.” Dean shoved his phone back in his pocket. His hand pressed against the glass. He raised his voice. “Did they test you already?”

Cas shook his head. His blue eyes seemed to glow from crying, and it gave him an unearthly look. “I have to wait at least three more days, because it takes that long for...for antibodies to form so the test is accurate. Or if, if I start having symptoms.” He sniffed, the sound faintly audible. “I need you to…”

“Anything,” Dean said, “Anything you need.” His feet were cold, and he fiercely ignored it.

“A pulse ox,” Cas replied. “It’s...I’ll need one, if you can. And, I was supposed to go shopping today.”

“Text me a list,” Dean said instantly. “I’ll bring you anything you need.” He stepped closer to the window. “Whatever you need.”

“Dean, I.-I need to tell you something.”

“Don’t do this, Cas,” he begged. “Please don’t say goodbye to me.” Dean couldn't tear his eyes away from Castiel’s.

“You don't understand, Dean,” Castiel said, staring directly into Dean’s eyes. “I refuse to take the chance you don’t know.” The world stopped, and the only sound Dean heard was his breathing, choppy and shallow.

“I love you, Dean.”

“You’re such an asshole,” Dean yelled through the window. “You better keep this goddamned door shut, because I’m gonna kiss the shit out of you, fucking covid or not, you hear me?”

He was laughing, Castiel was laughing, laughing and crying, and Jesus he was an ugly crier.

“I mean it, Cas,” he shouted again, “I love you so fucking much but you are a goddamned asshole! 

Dean absolutely would have stood there longer and shouted at Cas some more but a large warm hand clamped on his shoulder and spun him around.

Sam looked furious, but the anger faded as his eyes tripped between Dean and Castiel-through-the-window. Impossibly, Cas waved at him. “Dean, what the hell is going on, you’re out here screaming like a crazy person.”

“Well excuse me Sammy, the man I’m in love with just got exposed to fucking covid last night!”

Sam’s eyes lit up. “Really?” I’m so happy for you guys.” He peered at the window and Castiel rolled his eyes.

“I told him I loved him and he called me an asshole Sam, can you believe that?” Castiel called loudly.

“Nobody wants a fucking deathbed confession, Cas, I swear to GOD,” Dean started.

“Dean, shut up. Cas, are you okay?”

“I’m fine for now,” he said, his eyes fixed on Dean’s face. “I need you guys to stay safe though. And that means staying away from me. Go home and get warm Dean, you can facetime with me later when we’re not so-” he gestured to his face.

“Sammy go home, I’ll be right behind you.” Dean told his brother, watching to make sure he actually went.

He laid his palm against the window pane again. “Cas. I’ll pick up all that stuff for you tomorrow. It’s gonna be okay, you’ll see.” 

Castiel looked like he wanted to argue, but didn’t. He laid his palm on the window, so the pane was the only thing between their skin. He bit his lip, then said, “I love you, even if you are an assbutt for yelling at me.”

In spite of himself, Dean had to snort. “Love you too, sweetheart.”

XXXXX

The next few days dragged on. Post exposure days 5-7 were the worst as that is when most people started showing symptoms. Castiel was simultaneously bored and anxious. He didn’t dare leave the house. He had never felt so isolated, even with Dean checking in frequently. Days 8-10 were a little better. He reflected on every single snuffle and sneeze, and found himself testing his sense of smell throughout the day. He watched all three seasons of Stranger Things, and the extended versions of the Lord of the Rings movies. Days 11, 12 and 13 were much the same. Day 14 came and went without so much as a scratchy throat.

He was clear. Even if he’d had an asymptomatic case, he was past being contagious.  
Day 15 fell on a Sunday and the sound of his doorbell woke him up the hateful hour of 8am. 

“Now then,” Dean said after he’d opened the door. “Where were we?” He had bags of groceries hanging off his arms, and appeared freshly showered. Castiel smelled the clean scent of him.

Castiel followed Dean into the kitchen and helped get the food put away. He shut the last item in the fridge and suddenly had six feet of pure muscle pressed against his back. “Hello Dean,” Cas said. “Can I help you with something?”

Dean turned him around. “Yes, you can,” he said winningly. He brought his hands up to frame Castiel’s face. “You’re out of quarantine.”

Cas smiled wide. “I am.”

“And now we know you don’t have covid.”

Nodding, Cas said, “We do.” He slid his arms around Dean’s waist, pulling him closer by the hips.

“So it kinda seems like we’re on the same page, here.” Dean said, running a gentle thumb over Castiel’s lips.

“So we are,” Cas agreed, tightening his arms. “Something we should do about that?”

“Yeah, Cas, something like this.” And he leaned forward, brushing their lips together. Castiel melted into him, opening beneath him, and welcoming Dean’s tongue with his own. “My heart can’t take anymore death-bed confessions, Cas. I have never been so happy but so pissed at the same time.”

Castiel closed his eyes, breathing Dean in. He pressed their cheeks together. “How about this then? I don’t want to live without you anymore. Move in with me. Be in my bubble. Make love with me, build a home with me, share my life with me.”

Dean laughed out loud. “Yes, Cas. Yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> So this was a ride for me. This was supposed to be my contribution for the DeanCas Midwinter 5K Tropefest but these two wouldn't shut up so here we are. I hope some of you like this. Please forgive any typos. Comments are love thanks!
> 
> Come follow me on twitter @Ehann1214


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